by Maranatha Alvarez on Monday, May 31, 2010 at 12:47pm (back log ulit ;p)
I just can’t believe it! It’s finally over! The day I feared the most…
Praise GOD that HE never fails to assure HIS guidance, presence and care!
Rendering those two songs is a HARD thing for me to do. Let me start and share form the beginning.
Ever since Tito Pyo introduced Coro Cantabile to us many years ago when he joined the said group, I’ve become their top follower:P not just in their concerts but even in Madz et al, Coro et al and homecoming concerts etc. I’m really blessed with their ministry and how they minister through excellent music for the Lord.
It was the last Coro Concert when I felt the nudge of wanting to enroll in a voice lesson when they we’re promoting their music center. I entered Masters Music Center mainly to develop confidence in singing since I know I have an inferiority complex and being socially inhibited when singing. It’s just that I sing bad in front of many people...I guess. But that is so ironic because it is my desire to be of fully used in the music ministry for the Lord. So how could those weaknesses and desires go well together?! At first, I really don’t know! But GOD has awesome and mysterious workings and HE’s not finished with me yet^_^
It was an answered prayer for me that my parents allowed me to enroll in a voice lesson though at first they think I don’t need it anymore and that I should give the slot to my younger sibs but I requested it again to them as my graduation gift. I became more encouraged as well because a dear friend and church mate of mine, Ms. Zarah Christine Castillo will be with the same lesson as well.
My first session with our dear teacher Miss Sharon was really great! The correct vocal processes, vocalizations and using our motor and resonators more than the vibrators and articulators are very much informative! I’ve learned that anyone and everyone can sing but it is something to be developed. As the session goes by, I’ve realized that singing the right way is not easy as it is. You just have to watch yourself always in the mirror to observe your movements, you have to work on with your motor (diaphragm, lungs& abdominal muscles) to support breathing and the pressure must come from the motor not to your vibrators (throat, vocal chords, larynx), you have to use your resonators to amplify your voice like it was a built in microphone within you…and so forth and so on. And it was hard for me to drop my jaw and open wide my mouth because I’m used to sing like I’m just whispering or blabbering something. Thank GOD that my teacher is so patient with me^_^ There are times as well when I feel discouraged when I keep on repeating the same mistakes and habits but that didn’t stop me.
As the day of our recital is approaching, I just had this weird feeling. I’m feeling like backing-out of the performance. Pressure arouse when people start asking me when will be the recital together with the other details. It worsen when friends began promoting and inviting ore people to come to my recital. And it was even broadcasted as an event here in FB!
But still the reality is that I have to face it! Whether i'll be having a nervous break down or not, whether I'll be fainting or crying in the stage, there's no turning back.
It was very timely (indeed GOD is perfect in timing!) that during the Sunday school we discussed this verse:
Isaiah 41:13 (New International Version)
13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.
It was a great comfort! GOD’s comfort and goodness didn’t stop there. Friends began approaching me to encourage me for my recital. I even received text messages from friends cheering me up and by the Lord’s help I can do it! Even just before the recital, encouragement from the teachers of Masters Music became my strength as well. Those simple encouragements and taps brought myself into tears. We had a short dry-run before the recital started. I even became more nervous because we will be adjusting with a new accompanist since our teacher Miss Sharon won’t make it. Another worry is my other piece “All I ask of you” which is a duet with Joseph, a teacher of the Masters Music…which I wasn’t able to practice since I don’t have the copy of the piece and we only practiced that song as a duet once at the center.
Then the recital program proper started. Though I feel like I can’t breathe anymore, I know my Lord is holding my right hand^_^ As I keep on looking at the program and watched the other recitalist perform, I can’t help but just pray and pray. When I was called for the “All I ask of you” I had one of my deepest breathe and I didn’t forget to exhale^_^ It was a great relief that I didn’t have to start singing, so it was Joseph who sang first, while he’s singing, on stage I saw my dear friends, TGs who are very supportive! They even have a banner which says, “You shine”. Naturally, I would laugh or just smile for my reaction but seeing them placed me on the situation of having a hard time holding back my tears so that I could still sing. Truly, Zarah and I we're so blessed to have the TGs in our life! During the later part of the song “All I ask of you”, I even sang a “super sharp” note I could say. It’s because I’m anticipating for the high notes and my imagination went beyond! Hahaha, but with that point, I just smiled and suddenly nawala na yung kaba. Well, it’s good to make mistakes sometimes:P Good thing, that was the part when Joseph would immediately answer so nasalo yung super sharp
Then the kundiman song which I had for the solo, went easier. Though there are still lots of butterflies in my stomach, I was able to sing it. And what was surprising is my last note, it’s because during practices I always lack diaphragm support in that part but during the performance I felt an adrenaline rush that even we didn’t vocalize before the recital I felt a big push in my diaphragm! The Lord is not just holding my right hand, HE even pushes my diaphragm=) Then it was over! Seeing some friends as well standing and clapping after my last piece is so overwhelming!
Everything is over, my fear has finally come to an end…but the Lord’s calling is just starting in my life. This is just a stepping stone for me to be of used by my Master Musician for HIS glory alone. Even my sessions at the center will be over I won’t stop learning and improving for the Lord to give HIM excellent music for HE deserves the best! Who knows? I could be a future Coro member someday (which I actually dreamed of before) or a composer (starting? well, did 2 unprofessional compositions already), or a kid’s choral conductor (which I’ll be looking forward someday esp. when the orphanage we envisioned with some of my friends came to reality), or a praise and worship singer (yes, also a singer, not just an instrumentalist)? No one knows but my GOD who holds tomorrow and who is holding my right hand as well is in control. I may be unqualified by out of my brokenness GOD can use me to do extraordinary things for HIM and for HIS glory alone!
Soli Deo Gloria!!!!(ñ_ñ)
~A song from the heart~
♫Mara♫
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